Love for the Pelvis

In a recent chakra meditation I followed myself shimmering into the colors and rings of music each part of my dimensional body triggered. Some of these associations are learned, co-opted from the larger group understanding but the essential qualities I needed at that moment were all my own.

The first chakra, so wounded? (or touched) recently by an intensively intimate relationship that has ended resulted in my feeling the words-

"I am blessed".

I was actually surprised. It isn't how I have been feeling about my penis recently. But as I lay and breathed I felt the force of life root through my pelvis like a a deep spring recently blocked by a pebble that appeared as a boulder.

I am blessed because I get to use sexual forces once again in ways that dance me in the labyrinth in perhaps ways differently than before. Denying sexual energy is like death. And it really distorts what does seep through.

So even as I grieve and feel lost in some ways I feel attracted once again to myself. To cleanliness and breath and movement and sleep. When I see beauty I respond with a sigh and a sexual urge as well.

I am not done being single at all but life is all around. In my Taoist alchemical meditations I practice testicle, bone and skin breathing. I circulate the life forces in the patterns we are engraved with. Sexual energy is given a pink hue and when the bones shine with this I have to recall the energy is for me first and someone else second.

When early sexual stimulation rose from abuse as it did in my life this reclamation is not a simple declaration. It is a boundary that restores the soul to its legitimate existence apart from another.

Tricky business where merging is so longed for. What I get from my Taoist cultivation is the opening of my own centers as places of refuge and wisdom. Strength and love. The belly heart and head become cauldrons to store and circulate not only my own internal resurgences but yours as well.

Tricky in deep relationship as your issues suddenly appear as mine if I am not careful. I trust it is this care I am developing as I commit to relishing singlehood and being alone.